Justin at the Movies

This Week on DVD

// July 7th, 2009 // Reviews

Knowing

Director: Alex Proyas
Starring: Nicholas Cage (Says all you need to know)
Rating: 1.5/5

This may contain spoilers, so if you plan on watching this movie, just skip to the next one. First off, this movie is awful. Once again, proof for me that Mr. Ebert and I don’t agree on anything. He gave this movie four stars and called it a “superbly crafted thriller.” Did we watch the same movie?! This movie is terrible. Watch this movie and try to count the plot holes. I dare you. You will lose count. The acting is absolutely terrible, by both Nicholas Cage’s son and by Mr. Cage himself. Terrible. The writing is bad, and the ending is so cheesy and corny, it’s almost unbelievable. Who knew angels were aliens? Well, they are. And the characters are completely unbelievable. They all come to conclusions that nobody would or could rationally come to, and they all behave in a way that just doesn’t make sense. The one stupid lady has been told these “prophecies” all her life by her mother, but she just decided it would be best for her to ignore them and pretend like they aren’t real instead of trying to save people’s lives, even though she is seeing them come true. Then after Nicholas Cage proves to her that she should listen to him, she does, and then later she decides it’s in her best interest not to again. Nobody’s behavior makes any sense. And if you get underground far enough, it is possible to avoid  being burned up by solar flares. Just so you know. Crap. Crap. Crap.

Push

Director: Who Cares
Starring: Dakota Fanning, Djimon Honsou, Chris Evans
Rating: 2/5

Sadly, this is the best movie coming out on dvd this week. Go ahead and try to count the plot holes in this one too. I bet you can’t. This movie also doesn’t make any sense to me. It is just like the movie Jumper, in the sense that they decided to just make a two hour setup for the next movie. Or how about you don’t waste my time and just show me the story. There’s a plan. Djimon is such a good actor and I don’t know why he continues to do work that is very much beneath his talent level.

The Unborn

Director: Who Cares
Starring: Nobody
Rating: 1/5

As far as awful horror movies go, well, this one is pretty awful. Everything from the acting to the directing to the writing. Then halfway through this nonsensical story they try to make it meaningful and tie it into the holocaust. Their attempt is so ridiculous and just convolutes the story even more it just makes it a big steaming pile of horror crap. This movie also contains an actor that is way to good for this movie (Gary Oldman.) He must have owed a favor to David S. Goyer or something. Things I learned from this movie: 1- Jews have exorcisms (yes, they do), 2- Dybuuks that possess your souls don’t have religious preferences when it comes to said exorcisms, 3- Dogs with upside down heads are “scary”, 4- If ever you are being haunted, get into you underwear as often as possible, 5- Never, ever name your unborn fetus Jumby. Really. You want me to be scared by an unborn fetus named Jumby. I couldn’t stop laughing long enough to be scared. Crap. Crap. Double Crap.